Intro to T25: My Breakdown

Breakfast today is a shake with chocolate Shakeology, almond milk, and frozen strawberries. Divine.

What is Shakeology? It is a meal replacement that claims to:

  • Lose weight- especially if you replace a meal with it every day.
  • Improve your digestion and regularity.
  • Reduce junk food cravings-drink it in the morning to enjoy this benefit all day long.
  • Increase your energy and stamina.

Well, it’s Day 2 and I can’t really judge all of these claims yet, but it DOES taste like brownie batter. That’s the truth.

Before I talk about about my very first experience with this program, you should know my history (see My Story). Since I was 16, I have had body image issues. Beach Body strongly encourages you to take “before” and “after” progress pictures. A lot of people have been wearing a sports bra and yoga pants…and they take their own pictures in the mirror.

Well, I had the genius idea to take photos in a bikini. “I’ll really see the all-over progress, especially in my hips,” I said to Justin. He agreed that whatever I wanted to do was a good idea.

Justin’s duties included:

  • Weigh me and NOT tell me that number.
  • Take waist, hip, arm, & thigh measurements.
  • Take my “before” photos.

The moment of truth.

I put on that bikini. I looked at myself in the mirror, disgusted that I let myself get to this point. I’ve got extra padding everywhere, like I binged for hibernation during the winter. I literally took only 5 steps down the hallway towards Justin, then slipped into the bathroom so he couldn’t watch me walk in that bathing suit. I asked, “will you come get me and hold my hand while I walk into the living room?”

I seriously asked that.

Without hesitation, he got up and met me in the bathroom. We took about one step before I lost it.

There I was, standing in the hallway with my boyfriend, crying uncontrollably…in a bikini. I was crying hard enough to feel things move on me…aka the jiggle…as Justin held me, trying to comfort me, telling me that I’m beautiful. Poor guy, I do this to him every so often…never in a bikini though.

Long story short-I didn’t want to see the “before” photos. They are on his phone, and I’m pretty sure I’m crying in every single one. UGH.

This is right around the time we started dating.

247337_10150284639153465_7909067_n

This isn’t the greatest photo of me, but this picture is from about three years ago. I feel guilty for not being this size anymore. People change, obviously. He has changed in his own ways, too. I also know that he loves me no matter what I look like. I can get back to this size in a healthy way.

224159_10150260596838465_1713737_n

We look so little! I’m posting this picture because of those jeans I’m wearing. Those are a size 6 NON-STRETCH denim capri that I am going to fit into to.

I WILL. And I will show you the picture when I do!

Hopefully my progress photo sessions will get better…for Justin’s sake. I’m really thankful for his support, and for everyone in my Beach Body group who is helping me through this. I really need a push, and I believe that this is what I need to hit my goal.

I guess haven’t really shared my goal yet! My goal is to feel confident in a bikini. That is all I have ever wanted. There are a few garments I’d like to be able to wear again.

You’ll see.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s